Changes

SubhanAllah.

With each day that passes, sometimes we think we know how things will go, and sometimes we have no clue what will happen. No matter how we plan, Allah is the best of planners!

My life has undergone some major changes, things I could never imagine. If I told you, you wouldn't believe me!!

At the moment, I am super-happy. Alhumduhlillah. Even if it is a temporary feeling, I am feeling it and I am enjoying it. I haven't felt happy and at ease for so long. And this is the time to increase in worship because when we worship Allah subhana wa ta'ala in times of happiness, it will surely help us be strong in our worship in times of hardship - inshaAllah.

My girls are happy too, alhumduhlillah. They are growing so much, my 3 year old suddenly looks so much bigger, she is taller, her face has slimmed out some, maashaAllah, and my 5 year old is doing well in first grade - my star student - and she is very well-behaved (but only at school - she doesn't extend the same courtesy at home!)

Please make dua for my family however - for my children and I to be protected against the attempts of others to seperate us. May Allah reward you for your kindness and care, ameen.

Allah is the Greatest

SubhanAllah!



Which of the Favours of Your Lord do you deny??

Right about now I am not denying NOT A SINGLE ONE! Alhumduhlillah. I can say that I am blown away by Allah's love and mercy. And equally blown away in how Allah tests us. SubhanAllah.

What a girl wants

I want a snowboard! And everything that comes along with it to get myself back on the trails, inshaAllah! That means a set of everything, the board, bindings, boots, goggles, and the proper snow-attire for such a cool sport.

It has been quite a few years since I boarded, but man, is it fun! I can still feel the rhythm in my body when I think about when I used to board, I know that if I get the opportunity to tackle a mountain again I will get back into the swing easy (like riding a bike). InshaAllah.

What better way to celebrate being freed from the chains by soaring free through the air?

I believe I can fly...

To board is so exhilirating, and especially when making jumps (none of which I have ever landed on my feet) it's AWESOME, being in the air and soaring for a long moment feels really good...

I believe I can touch the sky...

...but it sure has repercussions on the glutus maximus, so I really need to learn how to land, lol.

Can you see me now? I can see it.

I believe I can soar...

And if I get all the stuff to board, I'll just add my niqab and a larger sized abaya to accomodate all the extra padding, and off I goooooo....

I also want a husband. A good one this time - devout, sticking close to Allah's laws, and the sunnah, who will guide me well and not astray. And who will teach me - a REAL man. InshaAllah.

I wonder which one I will get first?? *wink, wink*

Perspective

There are so many hardships that can come along with life. It is so easy for us to see those hardships, to allow them to bring us down, to stress us out. I know for me this can be the case.

There are also so many blessings, and so much Mercy from Al-Raheem. I was not always able to identify them, and probably I still do not see them all, but lately, I have really been much more aware of Allah's Mercy on me, alhumduhlillah.

Since my 2 daughters and I - the three girlz! - moved to our new state 2 months ago, things have been rough. But through it all and as it continues, Allah has allowed me to see His blessings. When I wasn't sure where we would go...Allah always made sure we had somewhere to sleep, alhumduhlillah. When I wasn't sure if I would be able to get to important appointments...Allah always sent sustenance to me so that I could get there, alhumduhlillah. When I wasn't sure how I would get food for my children, Allah ALWAYS provided it for us, alhumduhlillah!!!

I thank You, ya Allah.

And if something that I thought I needed to happen did NOT happen, I knew it was because Allah did not want it for us.

There was a time that I would be absoultely FRANTIC about what would happen tomorrow, where would we be tomorrow, what would we eat tomorrow? But no, since I came here, the tomorrow, while of course a concern, didn't make me crazy. I was happy and thankful for today. And I continue to be happy for today, alhumduhlillah.

I can't say that I don't get stressed. I really do. But I can check myself now, whereas before I couldn't. A few months ago when I got stressed about "where am I gonna live?" "OMG, we don't have any food..." it got me REAL depressed, to the point I couldn't even get up to pray at times. A'oothu billah. I was able to tell myself all of these things, Allah will provide, Allah is Merciful...but my heart rarely felt those things. My head and my heart were in two very different places. My heart was filled with pain and shock at the horrible things another Muslim could do to me and my daughters. All my emotions went straight back to that, thinking up all kinds of anger, placing so much blame. It was like I didn't trust Allah, astughfirullahul Adheem.

SubhanAllah, now? My heart is in check. I still have my break-downs every so often, but my heart is in line with my head now. When I tell myself Allah will rectify my affairs, I don't just say it in my head, but that reminder soothes me, comforts my heart, alhumduhlillah. You know how long I have been begging for that?? I was destroying myself letting the pain bring me further and further down.

And alhumduhlillah, I have been enjoying the blessings Allah has given to me...my children, the couple of friends I have made since we moved here, alhumduhlillah. But especially my girls, and I am going to post about them soon inshaAllah, how I have been enjoying them, how they have been enjoying me, how they have been adjusting.

If you used to read my old diary you may remember how I could go on and on in a post. I guess that has not changed much, LMBO!!! (Cracking myself up...)