Perspective

There are so many hardships that can come along with life. It is so easy for us to see those hardships, to allow them to bring us down, to stress us out. I know for me this can be the case.

There are also so many blessings, and so much Mercy from Al-Raheem. I was not always able to identify them, and probably I still do not see them all, but lately, I have really been much more aware of Allah's Mercy on me, alhumduhlillah.

Since my 2 daughters and I - the three girlz! - moved to our new state 2 months ago, things have been rough. But through it all and as it continues, Allah has allowed me to see His blessings. When I wasn't sure where we would go...Allah always made sure we had somewhere to sleep, alhumduhlillah. When I wasn't sure if I would be able to get to important appointments...Allah always sent sustenance to me so that I could get there, alhumduhlillah. When I wasn't sure how I would get food for my children, Allah ALWAYS provided it for us, alhumduhlillah!!!

I thank You, ya Allah.

And if something that I thought I needed to happen did NOT happen, I knew it was because Allah did not want it for us.

There was a time that I would be absoultely FRANTIC about what would happen tomorrow, where would we be tomorrow, what would we eat tomorrow? But no, since I came here, the tomorrow, while of course a concern, didn't make me crazy. I was happy and thankful for today. And I continue to be happy for today, alhumduhlillah.

I can't say that I don't get stressed. I really do. But I can check myself now, whereas before I couldn't. A few months ago when I got stressed about "where am I gonna live?" "OMG, we don't have any food..." it got me REAL depressed, to the point I couldn't even get up to pray at times. A'oothu billah. I was able to tell myself all of these things, Allah will provide, Allah is Merciful...but my heart rarely felt those things. My head and my heart were in two very different places. My heart was filled with pain and shock at the horrible things another Muslim could do to me and my daughters. All my emotions went straight back to that, thinking up all kinds of anger, placing so much blame. It was like I didn't trust Allah, astughfirullahul Adheem.

SubhanAllah, now? My heart is in check. I still have my break-downs every so often, but my heart is in line with my head now. When I tell myself Allah will rectify my affairs, I don't just say it in my head, but that reminder soothes me, comforts my heart, alhumduhlillah. You know how long I have been begging for that?? I was destroying myself letting the pain bring me further and further down.

And alhumduhlillah, I have been enjoying the blessings Allah has given to me...my children, the couple of friends I have made since we moved here, alhumduhlillah. But especially my girls, and I am going to post about them soon inshaAllah, how I have been enjoying them, how they have been enjoying me, how they have been adjusting.

If you used to read my old diary you may remember how I could go on and on in a post. I guess that has not changed much, LMBO!!! (Cracking myself up...)